So I scampers up the insides of the pipe, all noisies-like, tellin him I'm comin. The exit's a squeeze but I get through, first me bony arm and me nose shoved in me armpit, shoulders turned flat then I get me spindly ribcage out. The hipsies the hardest part so I just dislocate me legs, POP, outta the sockets and into the room. It doesn't half bloody hurtsies. I come out like a puppet with strings done cut.
But I get everything back where it's supposed to be with quieter crickly-cracks and perch up a table and helps meself to some walnuts. The meat's tasty but the shells help ya shit if ya got the teethies for them.
"Gumblestrop, stop eating, I've tasks for you."
I eats a walnut whole, cracking the shell like a boiled sweet and noisily crunch-crunches because I knows it makes the mortals shaky. It does the normal-mormal-mortals, anyways.
"Gumblestrop, by the power of your name I compel you to heed me."
Then he has to go and do that, which was completely bloody uncalled for. I'm having a teensy bit of fun and the toe-sucker has to go and do that. I upend the bowl of walnuts, scatterin them like crazy-bugsies or big fat spiders and then I flops onto the floor, hissin at the the bastard.
"Stop that," he goes and so I does. No bloody choice. He starts rattlin off instructions about this and that, trousers and socks, errands and pilferins. I been around forever and this what I gets? I catches him with me dead, dead eyes, blacker than volcaner-glass, me eyes what send the woodsie girls gigglin and what gets me less sleep than I'm needin. Makes me all cranky-like.
So before I goes back down the pipe I grabs another wally-nut, cracks it in me steely-teeth and cast a curse on the bastard's balls, wishin him warts and curdled milks.
Because it's the little things what get me through the day, yeah.